I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
