My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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