a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
