Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
