My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
