I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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