hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Randomize
