I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
