Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It's shark week go big or go home
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
