You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
