Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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