why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
