You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
