this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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