why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Randomize
