this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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