I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
