i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize