I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
As shirtless as possible
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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