Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He passed out mid-signature
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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