Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
