so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
