Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
