Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
