I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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