is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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