Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
