Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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