It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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