I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
