i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
