Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Soap is not a condiment
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
