Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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