I skipped work to stalk him.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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