I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
