In the future we'll all be gay
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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