Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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