I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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