Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
