I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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