apparently the secret to your success is patron
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
