mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
