Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
