Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
