I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I checked into jail on foursquare
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
