i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You may now shotgun with the bride
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
