whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
