saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
