i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I wish you could order shots online.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize