It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize