I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
