you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
