i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
