Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
