You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
