It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
