Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
