Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I need moral support for this bender
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize