i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
