Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
