apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
