I want to have your abortion
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
