he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
