hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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