Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize