So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Man, jail baloney is awful.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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