I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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