it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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