WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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