went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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