Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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