She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
